she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
