Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
