another moral hangover. fuck.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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