Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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