So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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