chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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