whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
