i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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