plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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