Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
