i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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