i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
