I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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