South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
