and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
