What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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