shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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