so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
