i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
