He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
