Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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