It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
