it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
