mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
