Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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