Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
