Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
