im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
