Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
