But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
