I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
