Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
