I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
