Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
