I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
this just has baby written all over it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
