i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
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The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
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BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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