your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
