508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
