Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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