tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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