It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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