i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You ruined the universe
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
