Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
