if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Pants are for mortals
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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