I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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