If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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