you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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