you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
