On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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