Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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