have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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