I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
