sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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