Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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