Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
