I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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