i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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