first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
