everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
