if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
