So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
