After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
