I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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