I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
