OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
