Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
