every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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