I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
