it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
